The very real ways that getting older has changed how I define the perfect retirement, plus pictures of that new “dream.”
The neat thing about being retired is that you get to do what you want, whenever you want. One thing I hadn’t fully absorbed when I set off on my FIRE journey, though, was how my age would change the way I defined “the perfect retirement”.
I’ve been thinking about early retirement since I was 12. Back then, the things that appealed to me were things like travelling the world, living in a different country every three months and eating all the local foods and meeting all the local people. Rad.
While travel still appeals to me, it does so in a much more scaled back fashion. We recently planned our baby moon. It was our last chance to travel together before a major change in our lives. We had the time, the resources, the world was our oyster. What exotic locale did we pick?
We picked the Hudson Valley, a one to two hour drive from NYC. While I loved the idea of touring the UK, the thought of getting on a flight was off-putting. Packing up all my stuff for an international trip, going to the airport several hours early, sitting in that tiny seat… plus having to research so many things to make the most of the trip. Ugh.
Also, given the travel time required we would want to stay for a week. The complicating factor is I’ve discovered I begin to miss my own bed after four days. Not glamorous and worldly of me, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s true. Thus, with all the options in the world available to us, we chose our own backyard.
Surprisingly, you guys, it was amazing.
It was one of my top 5 vacations ever, not nearly as good but still at the same cocktail party as our private safari in Africa and a two-week jaunt to Japan featuring some of the most amazing food, temple tours, and neighborhood exploring on the planet.
We stayed at a bed and breakfast (I’d never done that before). The owners were a husband and wife couple, and every afternoon they set out cookies (pregnant lady + cookies go together like peanut butter + jelly).
Every morning, we were served a delicious home-cooked breakfast at a long dining table where we got to chat with all the other guests. I learned about venture capital in Silicon Valley in the 1960’s, the dynamics of high-end guitar collecting, and how to make eclairs (plus samples), all from our fellow guests.
In the afternoons, we’d pick one of dozens of wooded nature walks, and then follow it up by visiting a cute town to walk around, antique, and people watch.
At night, we’d go to one of many amazing restaurants serving farm-to-table fare. We chose an area that was near the Culinary Institute of America, which meant there were tons of former grads who had started establishments of their own around the area.
Would this have been my ideal vacation at age 20? Not a chance. But it certainly is now, and it’s okay that my tastes have changed. Retirement allows that freedom, and frankly it demands you acknowledge your changed tastes in order to really thrive. I think it’s the folks who feel like they need to follow a strict plan they had envisioned – even if they discover it doesn’t feel how they expect – that have trouble enjoying retirement.
Even my day to day preferences are changing. I have and always will love food. But whereas one of my favorite things to do when I first moved to the city at 21 was to eat at hole-in-the-walls and conduct multi-stop food tours that involved grabbing an item at 4 or 5 places in a row, my body just can’t keep up anymore. I just recently visited one of my old favorite haunts from my early days in the City.
A friend had introduced me to this soju watering hole that served delicious Korean street food. One of the dishes it was most well-known for was something called soldier’s stew. This thing is a giant bowl filled to the brim with spicy broth, tofu, spam, hot dog slices, sticky rice cake, mushrooms, and all topped with a generous heap of mozzarella cheese that melts over the top of the dish. It’s a heart attack waiting to happen.
I returned just recently on a rainy day, thinking about how soju watering holes weren’t a friendly place for new babies and how it would be good for me to visit again for memories’ sake before that kiddo’s arrival. The soldiers’ stew was good going down. But half a bowl in, my stomach was not a fan. Apparently neither my stomach capacity nor my taste buds are what they used to be.
Conclusion
I suppose the point of these stories is to share that – for me, at least – a successful and happy retirement is about changing chapters rather than one static image of constant adrenaline and adventure. Embracing those changes in my preferences rather than fighting them has made me incredibly happy. Once you shed the idea that retirement has to be a sexy, glossy highlights reel to entertain people with at a cocktail party – I was so guilty of this misconception! – and allow your preferences to show through no matter how mundane-sounding they are, you will be happier for it.
What does a perfect retirement look like to you? Is it different than how you would have answered 5-10 years ago?
My wife and I did the same thing! We are expecting next month and just took the baby moon in Hudson Valley. We also stayed at a b&b (2nd time here, we went to this same place last fall :))
You covered it so well
It just blows my mind you were thinking of early retiring at 12, even before having a job to retire from! For me, and I’m guessing the overwhelming majority of humans, it was not even something I thought it was possible.
It was not until early this very year when I was part of a mass layoff (GE) and I listened to a podcast about financial independence that I began to pay attention to it and realized I should be able to achieve this in a few years too (assuming the economy does not go to hell before). This has become my #1 goal and I can’t wait to get to the point that if I work, it is because I really can’t think if anything better to do.
I am with you, girlfriend – at my very first career seminar, when you had to write down your main career goal, I wrote, “to be retired.” (not joking, either!) Planned for it all the way through 15 years of working in the City, and achieved it by age 40 (also having 2 kids, getting divorced & remarried). I always kept a note on the corner of the pages of my agenda with my updated “number”. I am sure you know what I mean. It is frankly amazing to me that it does really work. Also, it forced me to learn how to invest through the years, which is doing me – and my family – very well right now. I am currently 68, am helping to put a granddaughter through teaching college, and a disabled grandson achieve his Master’s degree. (And we love the Hudson River Valley, also! Try Mohonk Mountain House in that area – it is a delight.)
My ideas of a perfect retirement are constantly in flux. The biggest thing for me is being able to do what I want, when I want. I don’t know what I’ll want when I get to retirement – five years ago my life looked totally different…I can’t begin to imagine how much different it’ll look in 15 years when I’m staring retirement down.
I think it’s okay to waffle over things like that. I think constantly pursuing what makes you happy, though, is the best thing to do.
Thinking of retirement at 12? Wowzers. Pretty sure I was spending a ton of time picking my nose at 12. I mean, just being honest 🙂
The perfect retirement for me is exactly what you alluded to. Just as you started the post by saying it’s great to do what you want, when you want. I would say, in longer time frames, it’s gonna be great to move to new chapters of life, when I want. When I find a new fancy or thing I wanna learn, I’ll just pursue it. If I want. If not, I do something else. Life is wide open.
I’m also a person who thought of early retirement as a kid. My ideal life looks really different now compared to what I had imagined back then. If you asked 12 year old me, I’d’ve told you a life living in Disneyland was my ideal. Now I want something more contemplative– writing, going to grad school, the exact outline I’m not entirely sure of. Certainly something quieter!
Before I retired I told myself I would buy a Park Hopper Disney pass with parking so I could go to Disneyland and/or California Adventure any time I wanted. After five years of retirement I still don’t have that pass LOL
Budaejjigae is amazing. Weird how Spam can make it tastier.
It’s insanely good in that broth!
This changing picture of retirement will happen to me surely later in life. I envision living in a different country regularly as you did, but I think this will change over time.
Pocha 32 has some awesome food. That watermelon soju has gotten me in trouble once!
If you’re ever looking for a new stew place – BCD tofu house ranks among my top in Ktown! Then a stop through to Spot dessert bar for their pistachio ice cream. Mmmm.
The Hudson valley looks really serene and filled with really good food. Maybe we’ll go up there for a long weekend during the spring. Thanks for the recommendation!
JP,
Just discovered your blog today while looking for advice on starting my own, so first off, thanks for the great article and help with that!
I just retired last summer at 42, and like you mentioned, had no idea how to handle the prospect of ‘endless time to do whatever I wanted’. My wife also just accepted a promotion in the UK, so we moved our whole family to a new country and have completely started a new life in just a few short months. Now things are settling down, and I find myself struggling to decide ‘what’s next’ for me! It’s a problem I know many would love to have, but it was actually much easier figuring out how to allocate my financial assets to achieve this freedom than it is deciding now how to allocate my time assets. That was a shocker.
I’m going to start a blog…and I appreciate your advice on just getting something going and deciding on the specific theme down the road. You’re an inspiration. Keep up the great work!
Omg, this is just…perfect. I did not say my career goal was to be retired at 12, but it was very much to be an opera singer /writer/ nature-y person. None of these make huge amounts of money, so basically equivalent to being a FIRE-y type person.
Retirement living does take a huge adjustment. Unstructured time is a boon to the introvert, but not quite as easy for those of us that like to bounce off of others. I had a hard time discovering who I was without my title, something that took me by surprise. We ‘dropped out’ at the age of 50 and 53 after a step down year of part time work. What the author doesn’t address is adjusting to your new social life. You’re free and your pals are still on the treadmill with limited time to play. I can see how the ‘Fire’ life would be very different for a person under 40. Me? I’m now 65 and I’ve done quite a few ‘wheelies’ since my Fire life began. My life has taken totally unexpected turns since I retired. Agility and willingness to change, openness to what life presents are key ingredients for a happy Fire life. And, probably most importantly, if you’re partnered up, a partner who shares your financial social values.